Dear Ray Nagin

Dear Mayor Nagin;

You must want to be ex-mayor Ray Nagin.

Look, I understand what you mean when you say chocolate city. Don't half step when you make that announcement. Don't go sayin' "when you add dark chocolate to milk you get chocolate milk." First off that kind of talk scares white folk. It reminds them that if their daughters get involved with some black guy and get's pregnant, there's no way in hell, under the US definition of white, that the kid will be considered white. They don't like that type of stuff. Bad psychic places, baaad.

But that's not really why I'm writin' you today. I'm writin' to you because I disaprove of your whole "God is mad at" proclamations.
Look-a-here Mayor Nagin. Leave the false prophysising to old white men named Robertson. People look real dumb when they get up talkin' about what God knows. It may play to the Bible Thumpin' crowd down 'round dem parts, but when you want to be Mayor of an entire city, a city where the vast majority of the economy is held in non-black hands, much of whome, really ain't tryin' to hear 'bout chocolate cities and God's mood, you need to CHILLLLLLL.

Besides, you really didn't look professional when you made the statement. I mean if you seriously want to do the "God is Mad at America" shtyck, then at least get a few Farrakhan videos and take notes. I mean Farrakhan got the whole "God is mad at America" sell down pat. He knows what Tyra taught some of the skinny chicks on her show: The camera is always watchin'. Farrakhan says "God is mad at America" and he got the suit on. lookin' sharp and smilin' like he done made a good bowel movement. I mean, you hear tha man and you already agreein' with him before the words fall out. He looks so calm and collected when he say it that even if it don't sound right, it sounds at least plausable, because, he look so cool. Ya heard?

Now it is apparent that you have not learned the lessons from Toussain't L'Ouveture and Gullah Jack. You let them white folk think you are satisfied with how things are goin'. You can ask a question or two, while you make sure that your people are being taken care of, but don't go telegraphin' your moves so everyone can see. I mean, yo, you do remember that the folk down in your parts weren't too happy about NO being a chocolate city anyways right? You ain't forgot that have you? Beside bro-man, the next time you see a camera it could be askin' you why you had no evac. plan for your chocolate delights. It may be askin' how much your M&M's (to take a note from Texaco) plan on spending on their chocolate paradise. Not that I'm pickin' on you or nothin' but sometimes it's better to not seek out publicity. Naw mean?

So look-a-here. I'mma say this only one more time: Let the old white men get on tv and make asses of themselves talkin' about what they.. I mean God, don't like.
Next time you get up on national TV and get yourself unnecessary attention, I will put you on a "What an Ass!" post. '

-GG