Who's Kid Is That?

I saw The Best Man Holiday this past weekend. I also saw a commercial this morning. I have a problem with something I saw in both. I have a friend who tells me I'm “Technical”. I suppose that's a nice way of saying “way too picky” but my “technical” mind kicked in when Lance's children were shown in The Best Man Holiday.

See apparently, in great disregard for general genetics, Lance and Mia have a set of rainbow children. One of those children sporting light skin and practically straight hair stands out as a “who's kid is that?”

See, there was no discussion of adoption in the film. Nor was there any mention of Lance having tipped out on Mia or of Mia having done any more tipping out. Therefore;we are left to assume that all of those children are biologically Lance's and Mia's. The problem is that Lance (played by Moris Chestnut) is, shall we say, “quite the Africoid” and Mia, while clearly less so, is not so mixed as to produce a child like that unless she had been cheating with someone not so “Africoid” as Lance.

In fact here's a nice photo of Mr. Chestnut's actual children:

Note that Mr. Chestnut's wife is significantly lighter than he is. Matter of fact she closely matches the Mia character.

There are a lot of confused people out there who will quote popular science about how African-Americans are mixed. Yeah that's true for some or maybe most of them but it is not true for all of them and it is how much so that is the point. Generally children come out as a combination of the parents. Mom's eyes. Dad's face. Maybe mom's entire face but dad's body type. Maybe dad's face but halfway between mom and dad's height. Etc. But generally speaking the children resemble the parents, strongly. After all they share 50% of their genes. The same applies to black folks. The problem, if you may call it that, is that you introduce color into the equation. Skin color of offspring generally falls between that of the parents (albinos being an obvious exception). Not only that but since skin color, nose shape, eye color and hair texture are linked traits, children will also come out generally with a combination of the parents hair texture.

This is why among more self hating African-Americans, the obsession with mates with “good hair” is prevalent. If you are an outsider the amount of commentary in regards to hair type of children, particularly girl children, would make you wretch in disgust. But it is well known that if you and your mate has “nappy” hair then your children will have said hair too. Black folks do not pop out babies with “odd” hair unless they have odd hair themselves (which is actually a growing trait given the general breeding patterns in the African-American community).

In case y'all forgot, Morris's hair looks like so:

You don't get damn near straight hair from that.

So knowing this, “that child” in Lance's home stood out. But for an increasing number of people, this is considered “normal”. Why? Well it goes back to the Cosby show. Bill Cosby in complete disregard of genetics decided that his on screen family would “represent all the shades of us”. So in blatant disregard for the science, the children ranged in skin tone, hair texture and facial features and thus began this really silly trend of making African-American families rainbow in order to reflect some social fantasy of the producers.

This was also in a commercial I saw this morning where another supposedly African-American family contemplating Christmas shopping had a child that was clearly “not theirs” (unless adopted). Every time I see this I wonder who the producers think they are fooling. Then I remember that they are fooling a lot of people. And well, people like me who point out the obvious are being “divisive” and racist or whatever else other than “truthful”.

Which brings me to my last point, which is not actually about children but still about genetics. spoiler alert At the end of the movie Mia pulls off her wig to reveal what I suppose the audience is to regard as her natural hair. Short, close to the head. To me that was a pretty powerful statement. First some background which should be common knowledge but you never know who is reading this.

African men and women have the same hair texture.

Yeah it looks like that...and sometimes tighter.

No, there is no miracle of genetics in which African women grow straight hair and the men grow curly hair. We all have the same hair. African women use chemicals to “uncurl” their hair or use what is referred to as a hot comb for similar effect. I will not bore the reader with a long explanation as to why this is done but if you asked the honest opinion of the vast majority of African-American men and women, the overwhelming response (possibly after 'easier to handle') would be it looks better/more feminine. In fact many black men (and women for that matter) will outright tell you that natural haired black women look masculine. But that's not the subject of this entry so back to Mia's hair.

So near death Mia takes off the wig and wears it natural. What a statement that Mia could not and had not accepted her hair, as it grows out of her head until she was literally a day away from death. Such a shame. OK I lied, it does have to do with the children. See I think a part of why the producers tried to pass off “that kid” is due to the confusion about black women's hair. After all, if you think that black women's hair grows straight naturally, then why can't they have a straight hair baby? Makes me think of the numerous black women who have never, ever seen their mother's natural hair texture.

Ever.

Look at Michael Jackson's “kids”. Why are there people who still think they are biologically his? Those are not his children, at all. And mind you, Michael Jackson is mixed himself. He most certainly would have children with a white woman who would share a lot more European type features than African, but that there? Nope. Doesn't mean that MJ wasn't a loving father. Not at all. Just don't pass the bullshit plate my way and expect me to eat it.

So could we please stop with the random rainbow children. Please? If you wanna put some light bright kids in a movie, then please have the parents resemble the appropriate geno and phenotype for that. And for all you folks out there who are getting fooled by hollywierd, Yeah um, if you messin' with Morris Chestnut, you're NOT having “that kid”, unless you're not black, at all, well, maybe a little bit black, just a little bit, and even then, odds are long. Reallly long.